Talking dirty isn’t something I thought I’d do before meeting M. I guess I’d never really thought about it, actually. This is particularly funny because as a teenager I read my fair share of erotica, and even attempted writing some. But I suppose I thought that saying that stuff out loud would just sound funny and be awkward.
But in what was essentially the first two weeks of my relationship with M, we found ourselves apart, but texting and talking on the phone for hours at a time. M was testing the waters with his kinks — I knew he had some, but I didn’t know the details yet — and I think the four hour phone conversations at night attest to how much we enjoyed talking to each other. They also opened up the door for talking dirty.
So much of really fantastic, earth-shattering sex is mental. So much of kink is mental. And while talking dirty is a bit of an art, it’s an art that I think everyone would do well to be versed in.
Even when our night time chats turned into videos, the language we used was still critical to our experience. Sure, it was nice to see the other person dressed up and “performing”, but without the conversation it didn’t have the same meaning. And even now, nearly four years later, a few days apart is all it takes to quickly escalate to what we now call “horny talk”.
Requests to serve the master/mistress, promises to sleep in sleep sacks, schemes to wearing rubber to dinner… the language and the fantasy we build is not only fun and hot, but also really important because when reality creeps in, it’s not always possible to follow through on those elaborate discussions and plans. But I’ve learned to appreciate those words in the moment, and even more so when they are later translated to reality.
And when lucky enough to make those plans happen, it’s incredibly hot (and often evil) to repeat those words back to the bottom. “I’m just doing as you requested, slave. Aren’t you happy about that?” :)
This is a dangerous post to make because I know it’ll be used against me (I hope!). And I’ll probably get into some amount of trouble for not mentioning this post to M, and letting him discover it on his own (hi, hon!).
But, you see, M teases me about only being into kink for his sake. I don’t know if he really understands how much I enjoy it, and that while I might have been new to kink when we first met, I’d been kink-curious for awhile. I was just waiting for the right person — someone that I felt I could trust.
And really, that’s a key thing for me. Trust. You trust your partner, be they top or bottom, with not just your physical health but your mental and emotional health as well, and that is no small thing. Certainly not for me, and likely not for many people. I’m very, very, very lucky in that I can trust M in the way I do, because I honestly never thought I’d find someone like that.
But back to the topic of wish lists! :)
In no particular order, M, any of the following would make me one very happy girl…
- A nice, long spanking session (maybe with the McHurt paddle?) accompanied by my favorite gag and my heavy Mr. S wrist restraints
- Several hours of tight sleepsack bondage on the couch with estim and my Blackstyle gasmask with eye covers
- Hogtied on the bed wearing my favorite spandex, rubber Converse, and a gasmask while you ignore me and continue to work on your computer next to me
- Wrapped up in plastic wrap with a latex mask (the duct tape might be a bit much the first time…)
- Tied to the bed, spread eagle, in a latex catsuit, rubber Dr Marten boots, rubber bondage mittens, and a gasmask
- Some time in the vacbed with estim, perhaps with some ice cubes involved…
- When we need the house cleaned, perhaps you could motivate me with some rubber and some orgasm denial/reward
- A full night in the sleepsack
- Making me lick your rubber boots clean and punishing me if I miss a spot
- Arranging certain other discussed fantasies that I’m too shy to admit to anyone else
Please note that this list is by no means exhaustive, and more wish list items might be teased out of me under certain circumstances. These also, obviously, exclude my very long wish list of things I would love to do to you, M — but should you want me to post that list, I’d be more than happy to oblige.
In an attempt to keep our geek status cred relevant, recently we enabled both SSL security and IPv6 on the blog. Dreamhost (our hosting provider) facilitates both of these options quite smoothly – both are (mostly) just a few dashboard panel clicks away.
SSL security is the little green box or lock icon in your web browser, which you’ve likely come to expect when logging into your banking site or other sensitive service. Our motivation to add this is to allow secure viewing of our pervy content, where prying eyes of an open wireless cafe may be a concern.
IPv6 is a “next generation Internet Protocol”, which in non-technical speak essentially means that every server (this web site) and client (your computer or mobile) has a unique IP address. The traditional version 4 protocol only supported a limited number of these addresses (remember that the Internet was originally envisioned as a US specific network to stay available in case of nuclear attack – the original design criteria was never meant to scale all around the world). IPv6 significantly increases the pool size of these address, most major content providers (Facebook, Google, Netflix, etc) all support IPv6 natively today. Again, these are both super geeky technical jargon – but the end result is more secure browsing and greater network access.
For others who want to reproduce this, here’s the basic steps:
- Request an IPv6 address (FREE!), following Dreamhost blog IPv6 announcement.
- Request an SSL certificate ($15/yr), under the Domains – Secure Hosting – Secure Certificates panel.
- Update all WordPress generated links to start with HTTPS, instead of HTTP – see convert links forum post.
- Search and replace existing blog posts to use new HTTPS url, first retrieve database credentials:
# grep DB_ kinkytofu.com/wp-config.php define('DB_NAME', 'kt_blog6'); define('DB_USER', 'kt_blog6_user'); define('DB_PASSWORD', '32fa798d0139f'); # Not our actual password, k thx define('DB_HOST', 'db.kinkytofu.com');
- Login to database with above credentials:
# mysql -u kt_blog6 --password=32fa798d0139f -h db.kinkytofu.com kt_blog6
- Find table containing blog entries:
mysql> SHOW TABLES LIKE '%posts'; +------------------------------------+ | Tables_in_kt_blog6 (%posts) | +------------------------------------+ | wp_hpnb5m_posts | +------------------------------------+
- Change all entries URL and image links to HTTPS
mysql> UPDATE wp_hpnb5m_posts SET post_content = replace(post_content,'http://kinkytofu.com','https://kinkytofu.com'); Query OK, 78 rows affected (0.01 sec) Rows matched: 264 Changed: 78 Warnings: 0
Both M and I have been non-stop busy this
summer year, between work and side projects. It has been a big deal for us to even cook dinner two nights in a row, which explains the lack of both tofu and kink on Kinky Tofu. Honestly, it’s been awesome in some ways (fun and exciting things going on!), and a huge bummer in others (aforementioned lack of kink and time).
We have managed to fit in a bit of fun here and there, though, including a visit to The Stockroom earlier in the summer where we found the Oxballs 3-Way Triple Penetrator. No, we didn’t purchase it (yet), but as with all things Oxballs, we were impressed by it. I swear, they only employ evil geniuses over there.
We did pick up some other toys over the summer, though, and M ordered a made-to-measure catsuit and dress from Libidex for me, which are lovely (photos to come soon, I hope!).
And while we also haven’t managed to finish our write-up on our visit with the genius behind Serious Kit from the late spring, it should be said that he was lovely, generous with his time, and it was amazing to get to see the kit in person (a milking machine is most certainly on our wishlist). And hopefully soon we’ll have the time to finish our write-up on our conversation with him.
We did attend Burning Man which was, as always, lots of fun. I’ll follow up with a more specific post on that as it deserves it.
And finally, we’ve also been working with a friend on a proper logo, which we will hopefully have done and featured on this site by the end of the year. (Yes, I might be mentioning these things to try to make sure they actually happen… it really has been a crazy year.)
Despite our continued lack of free time, I have made M schedule in a full kinky weekend for us. And hopefully prior to that, we’ll be able to carve out a Saturday as well. It’s a good problem to have, being busy with interesting projects and adventures… but I think we’ve both missed more serious kink in our lives the last few months.
It’s been awhile since an original post, and in the meantime, we’ve also made the jump from Tumblr back to our self-hosted WordPress. We’ll maintain kinkytofu.tumblr.com (after all, M is an avid reblogger!), but for a number of reasons we’ll make this our new original-content home.
It’s been a hectic year for both M and I in a number of regards, including moving and job changes. Hopefully things will now quasi begin to settle down, but who knows.
We have a huge backlog of reviews we need to do, stories we need to write up, and exciting DIY plans we want to share. We went to both Burning Man and Folsom Street Fair, and have kinky fun to share from both events.
For now… I’m redirecting my attention back to M, who is currently a little tied up.